To change or not to change?

So, I'm gonna get on my self-reflective tip now and try to tackle Larissa's blog assignment. I've just past my half way point in my trip and tomorrow, I begun my adventure exactly 8 weeks ago. There is no doubt that this environment is different. The question is: Has this changed me on a superficially and internally? And if so, what have a chosen to change and what do I choose to preserve? If you've been following my blog, you will know I've been conflicted with how I remain open minded but still hold onto my own values.

The other day, Mayan and I had been feeling discouraged because we've come half way and what have we really done? And should we be doing more? Then we found advice from an old friend of ours:

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked, Some windows are lighted, but mostly they're darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win? - Dr. Seuss

Before I left, my sister had given me and Mayan this book the excerpt is from (oh! the places you'll go). Thanks Jen because it has given us strength in moments when we feel like we're on the brink of snapping from bending. The truth is, I'm not putty. I just CAN'T be out and about constantly visiting people and trying to absorb the language and culture. I can only throw myself into it so much before I need a moment of self preservation. I try, but because you can always do more, I never feel like I'm trying hard enough.

Superficially, I have changed my speech pattern in order to be better understood by those around me. I've imitated the physical gestures of those around me in order for them to understand me. For example, when shaking a hand, I now use both hands to express gratitude when there are no words. Also, I've gotten used to cold showers and room temperature beverages (but still get super excited when something is refridgerated).

Something that I refuse to give up is my Canadian accent and my teaching style. I am an outsider regardless. And though I've picked up some of the language, it is impossible for me to be able to speak Luo just like a villager. I mean I don't even have a Cantonese accent and i've been working at it for 20 years! Mayan is alot better at it than I am. I stick out like a sore thumb anyways. I just feel more comfortable speaking the way i was taught to speak... which is still understandable and my students think its hilarious! haha

As for the teaching style, I stand boldly with the choices I make when teaching. The teachers here are used to repetition and corporeal punishments. I have refused to cane my students even though some teachers have asked me to when they don't complete their work on time. I just can't do it. IF I decided to cane my student, they would just go on with their day as usual. But that is a burden I would have to live with for the rest of my life. The compromise I've agreed to is providing the teachers with a list of those who haven't completed their work. I don't want them to be caned but I can't encourage idleness either... what can I do? I also have really fun vocabulary classses that aren't the super boring repetition and writing on a chalkboard *barfs* In this picture, we learnt the word hop and challenge. the perfect set up for a Hopping Challenge Extravaganza with groups frogs, grasshoppers and hares.

Internally, I've changed because I've realized that this experience is more for me than it is for my students. I know, super selfish right? But how ignorant is it to assume that one individual can go to a village and change the lives of those within it? I am one person being submerged into a entirely different culture. Just because I come from a wealthy country, doesn't mean I'm god. I'm taking more away from this experience than my students are and that isn't something to be ashamed of. I'm more relaxed and just enjoying teaching at a leisurely pace instead of trying to force feed them information. Let's have a little fun shall we? :) That's something I've learnt from Mayan. I take myself way too seriously.

I need to start enjoying simply things, like hopping :)