Something Unsettling

Hey guys...

My friend Sandra (fellow teacher) sent me a link of a video today that is supposedly of Derrion Albert getting beat to death right outside his highschool in Southside, Chicago Thursday. According to news reports, the area has been plagued by gang activity for a long time. Click here for video and news report.

All the news reports I've read has stated that Albert was in no way affiliated with these gangs and that he was an innocent bystander until he got atttacked. I really don't think it matters whether or not he was involved in gangs. The reality is, that as long as gang culture continues to pervade urban areas, anyone involved, gang member or not, should be seen as a victim to some extent. Now this is not an excuse for those who are initiating these spurts of violence but everyone must keep in mind that these reactions ARE a social commentary on the paranoia and distrust people in these areas feel. The marginalization of people like those in Altgeld Gardens, Chicago is leading to feelings of instability and anxiety amongst their youth. And although we like to think of the west as a collection of progressive nations, I'm sorry but I definitely see connections between this situation and ones I encountered in Kenya. People do not feel that if they do not organize for themselves, no one will lobby for their rights. And because these people are among the "bottom rungs" in their society, they are already pissed off with the current system.

It is unfortunate that we are only paying attention to places like Altgeld Gardens because of the violent outbursts. And we can be critical today, but where is our support for the other days of the year? This happens all over the world, be it in urban areas or slum. The sad part is that major news outlets are quick to try to find an excuse, asking "did this child participate in gang activity?" when people should really be up in arms about how our current societal structures overlook the needs of these communities so much so that they feel they need to organize an alternative form of governance. It's times like these where I am proud and weary of my future profession.

"What's going on?" - Marvin Gaye

This piece of news really stuck out to me because during my time in Kenya I read Barack Obama's Dreams From My Father where he talks about his transition from working with the Altgeld Gardens area to South Nyanza, Kenya. I never would have known about this Chicago neighbourhood otherwise. And as a side note, this book really resonated with me and was my favourite read of the summer.

Tourist? or Traveller?

Okay Toronto. the blog assignment is... do you consider yourself a tourist or traveller?

now, i got this assignment in the middle of the summer and STILL have no come up with an answer. SO, I think i'm gonna be diplomatic and say, "I'm a traveller who enjoys tourist attractions". I think this best suits me because to me, a traveller is someone who understands their responsibility as a global citizen and is concerned with knowing the stories behind the fascade, even though sometimes its fun to revel in the spectacle of tourist attractions. I'm only human and going on camel rides and nightly dance shows ARE FUN! so there.

It's hard to explain but i feel like in the village, where i had my extended stay, I was a traveller. I had the time to listen to stories and get a good hold of how the community functioned. I think when I left the village to do our Masai Mara and Mombasa trip, I was more of a tourist. Not that I didn't engage in conversations with the locals, but they didn't know me and knew I was only there for a few days. We held eachother at arm's length.

I think now that i've come back it's easier to say i'm a traveller because the people i talk to are really impressed with the fact i know so much about the people i lived around. But i may still consider myself a tourist because i don't know any whole truths. At the end of it all, i'm still and outsider and that in itself created a divide between me and the Kenyans I formed friendships with, be it for 3 months or a week.

I STILL don't know... what do you think?

No need to settle down, my body don't know how

Hey guys! YES i'm still blogging now that I'm back in Toronto!

I'm a few days short of having been back a month, the whole time telling myself I SHOULD and MUST blog. This is telling of how much "me" time I've had.

I've been trying my best to get back into the groove of my life before I left and I think I've done okay. I've been anticipating and yearning for it for awhile now! While I'm living life as I had, I can't help but think WOW.. is all this really necessary? I mean.. I love my life but I feel like in order to enjoy little things, I have to consider the other chain of events a decision can make. My life sounds simple, it's basically school, art club, work and friends. It sounds simple, all I have to do is show up and do work. WRONG. *especially with concurrent education*

I have to teaching high school, apply for club funding and program space, opt out of York catering, get a new outfit for my sister's birthday, write assignments all while looking good for work and keeping up a social life. All these little things are packing up my schedule! And while I feel i have the same ability to organize my life, I find myself questioning...WHY ALL THE CLUTTER? I'm not trying to idealize my time spent in Kenya, I do realize that my volunteer work there was only sustainable for a short time and people can't really live that way forever. But it did help me see how much fluff there is in my life now.

Example: If I want to enroll in a class i can't just do it if there's seats available. I gotta call people, set up appointments, get put on a waiting list before they approve me. Sometimes, democracy IS a time consuming bitch! *this is my venting session.. let me air out* .....I'm EXHAUSTED. but glad to be back. The thing is, I would never lighten my load even though I complain. Which is very ME pre-internship. So I guess I do resemble my former self. I just need to let off some steam once in awhile.

I love my program and the art club has been such an integral part of my growth as an educator and leader that I could never leave unless absolutely necessary. I HAVE to go out and party even though it complicates my life. And work? Well, I need something fuel my spending habits :P

I'm back to my fast paced lifestyle y'all. I still got it. I'm just a whole lot more critical.

There is so much to say, but I lack the words to say it. I'm just glad to be home and to ALWAYS have somewhere to go and SOMETHING to do.

me and my little tandoori flame at my sister's birthday :)

Lesson Learned

Okay... so my time in Kenya has come to an end. Mayan and I are spending our last 24 hours in Kenya, then 3 days in Amsterdam, then home to you :) Today, my main goal was to post once more before I head out of the country. I will still post after this, but this will be my last time in the luxury of a cyber cafe where the power can cut at any second. (it's really helped with the efficiency of my typing)

*I would also like to note we are currently listening to Celine Dion on the radio* haha! When I first came to Kenya, my bff Leslie was shocked we didn't all talk like Celine Dion... *sigh* memories. I really hope I don't come back home as one of those people who travel just so they can go home and say "In Kenya this" and "in Kenya that" (shudders).

ANYWAYS, I know my posts have been a bit heavy lately since I'm leaving soon and getting all philosophical and stuff. But today, I'd like to keep it short and sweet and share with you a few things I've learnt in the past few days:

1. Never ever over-estimate a Kenyan man's alcohol tolerance. (the photos below were from last night when Willis, our body guard, took us clubbing and assured us a few shots were not going to affect him. NOT TRUE. haha fun times)

2. When taking a bus across country, ALWAYS ALWAYS request a seat in the front. My butt is still bruised from the bumpy ride :(

3. There is a HUGE difference between the word Matoke and Mataco. One is a specialty Ugandan dish. The other means butthole.

4. Don't eat cupcakes in your bathing suit. crumbs.

5. If you want to order shots, you should really call them "tots". Saying "I want a shot" apparently means you want a prostitute.

There's alot of story telling to do once I get home :)

Busy little bees

Jambo :)

Boy, the past 24 hours have been eventful! We've been travelling again, from upcountry to Nairobi. I'm sad to say it was my last time seeing Rift valley, the tea plantations, Mau forest and Nakuru, among tons of other amazing things. *sigh*


Although it was a long journey with Mama, we decided to skip resting. (it's not her style). Mama Pheobe Asiyo is part of Nairobi's Women's Caucus, which we've visited in our last excursion here. She's also the UN's UNIFEM representative in Kenya. I'm really grateful to have her as a host mother, especially since I've seen first hand how important it is to push the women's agenda here and around the world.

Anyways, the Women's Caucus has representatives in every region in the country. These are just local women who are concerned with the development of their community. Pretty much any positive initiative a woman is interested in, the Caucus will back.

That's what brings us to Huruma today, in a slum called Madoya. In this area, lives Mama Lucy, a women who runs an orphanage/school called Little Bees.

For more than a decade this one woman has been running this school in the middle of the slum. Did I mention she also lives there with the kids? She is truly extraordinary and deserves the admiration of all who know her.

At Little Bees, she also runs other initiatives such as basket weaving classes and farming on her small plot in order to provide a holistic learning environment as well as an opportunity to generate some money. There are also flush toilets and clean shower areas available to the community for a small price.

Even though Mama Lucy has done alot for her community, there is still work to be done. The fact that she provides the only available flush toilets and running water in Madoya (which is huge by the way), speaks for itself. Through the slum walkways are streams of disease-infested water. The infrastucture is just the start, but with Mama Lucy and other development-conscious women in the area, I know the Little Bees will continue to do great things.

I know your heart's weathered by what studs did to you...

Hey guys!

As my time in Kenya comes to an end, I'm taking sometime to reflect on things I will take with me when I go home. *inspired by Larissa's blog assignment* I'm glad to say I've got to experience ALOT while I was here. I've literally been from Lake Victoria to the coast and then back again. Being away from my host home to experience Kenya and then to come back has really given me more insight about the opportunities available in this country.

One thing has always struck me whereever I am in this country: a woman's struggle. It's in the city when a woman has cares for someone else's child in order to support her own. It's in the village when a mother is infected with HIV because her late husband was unfaithful but still has hope since her children tested negative. Even now when I'm in a situation where I feel my own limitations being challenged, the stories of these women, of widows, of mothers who have seen their children parish or lead a street life, of women who are punished for being infertile, of rape victims and victims of female circumcision come flooding back into my mind. It's the image of a strong African women who looks at me with an unflinching gaze when she tells me she has come to terms with the fact that she has done all she can with her life, that she only lives now with the hope her children can do better.

It is this determination, this unrelenting drive of all the women I've met here that inspires me and will continue to remain fresh in my mind. Though I've rejoiced at the strength and fearlessness of these women, I am also reminded of the pain this hard exterior is drawn from. Since many of the tribal religions in Kenya have participated in polygamy, women are continually cheated on. Even though the majority of people have switched over to sects of christianity or catholicism, men use the polygamous values of the forefathers to excuse their cheating. From this, women who stay faithful to their husbands become infected by HIV/AIDS. Even if a women knows her husband is having sex with other women, to suggest the use of a condom can lead to domestic abuse and many times the wife will be forced to have sex with her husband.

Because of the extreme poverty in the village, young girls from the highschool are seduced by older, married men with simple treats in exchange for sex. These young girls end up infected or with child or both. The men flee, leaving a single mother behind. I see parallels between the teenage pregnancies here and in Jane-Finch. Both communities are filled with women who distrust men (with good reason). But they also don't expect anything more. And that's what kills me the most. The perpetual cycle of boys being raised by women who naturalize the idea of the man being irresponsible.

Through it all, I will always hear the whispers of countless women at the back of my mind, willing me to take every opportunity I have, advising me not to make a mockery of my circumstance. Dozens of women telling me to remember them when I succeed because there is no reason why I shouldn't. All the while, I am humbled because I think, it could be me. It could be me nursing a child, without promise of food the next day. It is only because of my dumb luck that I was born on the other side of the world, where I experience privileges without having to earn them. I'm thankful the women have opened up to me while I was here and I want to come back to Toronto and optimize every chance I'm given because I know these women would find a way to do it if they were in my position.

With that said, I'll see you soon ;)

Umoja: calling for unity

Today we decided to hit up Kibera for a tailor. Kibera is said to be the largest shanty town in Sub-Saharan Africa. This area is almost home to some of the best tailors ever so we took our chances. Plus, our driver Joshua lives there, so we were relatively safe. I was even able to get a few pictures in!

This is me putting my mother's sewing lessons into practice :) *hi mom*

Since the post election violence in Kenya last year, Kibera has been divided by tribes. The area we were in was mainly inhabited by Luos. Joshua tells me they are trying to integrate more and put the past in the past. However, with tensions already beginning to mount for the next elections in 2012, its tricky. On the way back from the tailors, we noticed that a long concrete wall the creates a border for the slum. It was covered in murals and messages by Kibera inhabitants. Here's a little taste:

Story time! to change or not to change? Part 2

Hey Guys :) I know it seems like I've been lacking in posts (sorry Scott) but the last 2 weeks were super hectic! Both primary and secondary schools have closed for August break now and I've left upcountry to join Mayan in Nairobi. He came a few days before me... I stayed back a little bit for closure. Yeah I know what you're thinking, "Since when is Maggie sentimental?" hahaha it happens! I'm happy I took the extra time to ease myself out though. I didn't want to leave with any open wounds. There was no crying or anything, I prepped myself to be cool and composed *as always* :)

Anyways, the purpose of this post begins with a story about my childhood my mom always tells me, and that I'm constantly reminded of when I'm here.

Both of my parents are refugees and because of our very humble background our home needed a double income. Because of this, I was enrolled in daycare right when I was potty trained at age 2. Now, being the first generation born in Canada is hard enough. Since I was introduced to daycare at such an early age, it was hard for me to pick up Cantonese. I don't really have the accents down right so my parents speak to me in their mother tongue and I reply in English. That's our system. It should not be tampered with. haha

When I was about 7 and making my weekly visit to the grandparents', they were criticizing my mom because I spoke in English. My mother, who was also feeling the pressure to embrace both cultures, told my grandmother boldly "my daughter knows how to speak Cantonese". She turned to me and said "You know how to speak your language so do it". After several minutes of coercion from my family members, I was resolved. I decided to stop speaking entirely for 3 days. (which is an eternity for a small child)

The reason why I'm reminded of this story is because I've always insisted on doing things my way, in my own time. One of my biggest challenges here has been sharing my experience with Mayan. He's great, don't get me wrong, but living with him has taught me that sometimes you need to compromise some of your own wants in order to make way for stronger friendships. It seems obvious right?

The truth is, the lifestyle I live at home is a selfish one and I'm not afraid to admit it. Many of my relationships have not endured the ups and downs me and Mayan have had because if I feel like disconnecting and doing my own thing for a week, I can. And I do. But when I'm living with someone who has a general idea of what I'm doing at all times it can make me defensive and at times, hostile.

This is just part of my personal growth here and I am in no way used to living with someone, even though the summer is almost past. Sometimes we hate each other, but it can't stop us from being together because no matter how much I resist (and its mostly me), we need to rely on each other. And its the idea of showing vulnerability that I hate most, not Mayan. The other day I was getting really frustrated and short with him and he kinda told me off haha. It took all my strength to say sorry. Apologizing is such a simple gesture but its been hard for me all summer because I felt like I was the one having their space invaded. But I've learnt to put things in context and realized that it's not his fault for not knowing when I want to be left alone and when I'm ready to make myself available. Vice versa.

When I exit the home, I'm ready for the world and all the socializing. It's been the moments in the home, in my safe space, that I've found it hardest to make adjustments.

I'm working on it though ;)

Fort Jesus

Hi! I miss you! Okay, so you heard what we do with our nights but we also do things in the day too. Albeit half drunk still but we are maximizing on our time here!

Yesterday we headed to Fort Jesus. One of the first slave trade hubs in East Africa. This fort is also significant because it brought over Christianity. I love it when we visit places like this with a local to tell us the history because it just reminds me of how resilient the nation is. Since mombasa is on the coast, the town has a heavy Arabic influence.

It has a high Muslim population and we went on a Friday so it was less congested and I really like the laid back atmosphere. We walked around and did some shopping as well. A nice, easy afternoon :)

I love this picture because of the little boys playing soccer :)

Oh and CAMELS on the beach! fun! *except for all the beach boys hoovering around them waiting for me to become their sugar mama* They can get pretty aggressive. They seriously got things twisted hahaha! I don't know what makes them think I'm about to pay THEM. the nerve.

The last message is some graffiti I saw near Fort Jesus. I like :)

Talk to you soon,

xoxo

Gossip Girl.

My girl likes to partying all the time...

Salaam!

So, travelling with one dude has its perks, but many of the times me and Mayan are looking to make friends. Frankly, we get tired of looking at each other's faces while sitting idly. So, we knew when we were planning for Mombasa we would pull out all the stops to meet new people! (I am, by the way, THE best wing man EVER. PERIOD.)

So, on our first night we took our girl Sheila's recommendation and hit up Bob's, an outdoor bar/club place and met a few archaeology students taking a break from digging up the desert in the North. Kenya, by the way, is often referred to the cradle of life. GOD I love this place! Anyways we ended up partying with them and ended up at their villa! (which was kinda set up like real world. WEIRD.)

The thing that messes me up about Kenya is that the clubs close whenever the last person leaves. So you can imagine how EXHAUSTED I was the next day *damn you Safari and Kenya cane!* I was also burnt out because I'm soft and we hadn't had that kind of excitement in a LONG time. Needless to say we took it to another level... Toronto Style ;)

I was feeling disgusting last night but said, "what the heck, let's do it again". This time we hit up Tembo, also recommneded by Sheila, our girl from Philly :) *She's papa's granddaughter*

Mayan and I pretty much just matatu it everywhere... though its not very safe at night. Whatever. I'm young and invincible. A taxi to Tembo was 300 Ksh. a Matatu is 20 ksh. HUGE difference when you'd rather spend the money on alcohol. Larissa: I promise i'm not a lush. I kinda like the vibe too! The one we were in last night had reggae pumping and black lights haha! I felt like I was in a moving strip club! always a good, settling feeling. You can't see the lights in the picture, but you get the deal :)

Back to my review of Tembo:

If you want to get hustled out of using the washroom by prostitutes, Tembo is the place to be! FULL of working women and beach boys I think as well. but over all, it was fun! *it would have been better if my bladder wasn't about to burst everytime I moved :(

The old guy was totally patting my butt.

Tonight, we're gonna play it safe and stay in since we leave tomorrow. Don't quote me on that though haha :)

Its gonna take a lot to drag me away from you...

I've had Toto's Africa in my head all summer! *partly due to the song dedications I got before I left :P (I secretly enjoy that song)

I'm in Mombasa right now taking a break from soaking in the indian ocean *swoon* this place is beyond beautiful!

We've done alot since we arrive, though we're only spending 4 nights here so let me start by telling a little bit about the crocodile farm we went to. Mamba village is the biggest crocodile farm in East Africa so we saw hundreds and maybe thousands of crocodiles of all sizes! It's kinda weird though... because on one hand the guide was giving us a tour and telling us about the nature of these animals and on the other, he was showing us where the skinning for export takes place and asked whether or not we wanted to eat some crocs. We said yes. Don't hate. haha! it really did tastes like fish flavored chicken. There was a botannical garden and other animals there too! The picture above is of an albino crocodile amongst other baby crocodiles :)

Here are some pictures:

Me holding a baby croc

me holding a small python

Croc feeding time

Brown bear feeding time

The Magic of Masai Mara

Public service annoucement: This post was produced solely for the purpose of rubbing it in. I'm in Kenya suckas!

Luxury tent. Personal safari van. Wildebeest migration. Bacon all day er'day. Chillin' with a cheetah. Watching a lion show a carcass who's boss. Standing in Tanzania AND Kenya at the same time. Yeah, I got it like that ;)

I talk way too much. This time, enjoy the photos!

Kwa Heri for now,
Maggie

The Essence

Upon my arrival to Kenya, Mayan and I met a few guys that are natives to Kenya. We realized quickly that Kenyans exhibit a nationalist spirit like no other. One of the boys told us something that we've held onto till now, "The West has the watch, but Africa holds the time". To me, this embodies the ESSENCE of Kenya, a country stricken with corruption on massive scales, crop failure and the monstrosity of HIV/AIDS. Through it all, people tell me time and time again how they love their country and would not want to be anywhere else but where they are, continually on the grind.

By the way T.O., I feel the same about you <3

Last week, Mayan and I got to be a part of something so beautiful. Papa's daughter from Germany, Mary, sets up a free clinic every 3 months (or they hope to) and treats anyone who shows up. The day started early with people arriving as early as 6 AM when clinic was set to open @ 8 and last the whole day. Mary and her team saw men, women and children, totaling to over 300 patients in one day. Mayan and I jumped at the chance to help, but seeing as Mayan was also having a ground breaking Art Show titled "Me En Am" or "I Am Me", He was a very busy bee! I learned how to give people simple eye exams :)

While I was witness to Mary's eye clinic, I couldn't help but feel conflicted. She would see patients that had little or no eye sight left but because they were elderly and perhaps afraid of surgery, they refused free treatment. In this case, Mary proceeded to prescribe placebos. I was confused by this and she simply said "If they don't want to be treated, there has to be some hope". I respect the health professionals who had to make decisions like these that day. Ethics are relative and I believe they really knew their community's needs. Mary also saw cases of children with perfect eye sight that was being drastically damaged by the parasites that lived in the river water these youth depend on to survive.

The truth is, as a worker in this community, as a health or education professional, it is hard to know if you've really DONE anything, because you can ALWAYS ALWAYS do more. Even when Mary and her team treated patients for a 12 hour clinic, there were children still coming up to me the next day to get treatment for their Malaria. My heart breaks when I think of those in need who were discouraged by the wait and perhaps had some other reponsibilities.

On the bright side, Mayan's Art Show was also groundbreaking! the first of its kind! The school had to cut the arts out of the curriculum because of the expense. Even though they are required to provide it. So I don't have to tell you everyone was overjoyed. The pieces they were assigned to make were really reflective of their perceptions of self and their future aspirations.

Note: The computer I'm on is mad SLOW! Hopefully i can get on a computer and upload some pics and tell you about my experience in Masai Mara! *its gonna be good* We're off to Mombasa now for some sun bathing on the coast :) Don't worry Larissa! we've given our students their exams and we'll be back at school for closing day!

talk to you soon!

Kisumu

Like I said y'all, I was in Kisumu last week but I'm a bit behind on the blogging so I'll tell you what happened now :)

**minus the "hotel" situation....okay it wasn't THAT bad but I can't rough it as much as Mayan. I am a firm believer that toilets and showers should be in 2 separate areas. That's just me though.**

We began our journey with Erick, who was an excellent guide. He goes to Maseno University in the area so he was very helpful.

The first night

When we arrived the first day, we hit up the internet cafe and then the Kisumu Museum. It was kinda cheesy and outdated but we got to see some snakes and crocodiles.

Then we were chillin' for a bit at a restaurant and decided to have an ice cold beer (Smirnoff for me). THAT was when the fun started. Imagine the sheer joy a cold alcoholic beverage brings when you're used to tea or florescent drank. After that magical moment, we went on a rampage. We decided to watch a Bollywood movie. Since the cinema is owned by the attached supermarket, we were told we could bring outside beverages and food into the movie with us. Boy, were we wrong! All in all, we got wasted in the theaters and it was a bit illegal. BUT we had fun! And really, its justified because life should be measured by moments of happiness. We also realized we haven't seen night lights in so long since we usually head home by dark at Wikondiek. Glorious.

The second night

The second day was jam packed with fun, fear and exhaustion. We took the matatu over to Maseno university to look around and check out the monkeys that are on campus. After that, we walked to the equator monument. Apparently, it took years to figure out where EXACTLY to place this monument. Who figured it out? no clue. From here, we waited around for a matatu so we could head on over to Kit Makai, which is a bunch of huge rocks piled on top of each other. It sounds lame but it was actually really cool to climb up and there's a story behind it. I don't really have time now to explain. Google it please :) ANYWAYS, the matatus were not showing up so we just stopped a random car and asked them if they were going in that direction. They agreed to bring us for 100 ksh and we hopped in. I won them over with a serious debate about Jackie Chan and we ended up getting a free ride! Then, when we were heading back home, we decided to use the same method of transportation. This time, the guys were super shady. We thought we had agreed on 50 ksh each to Kisumu but they changed the price half way to 70 ksh each and we were not in a position to really argue (considering that one of the men had a bloody hand. we were scared). we *probably* won't do that again.

Once we got home, we met up with the professor that will be evaluating us. He's super cool. We bonded over ice cream *yumm* After that, we headed out to dinner and drinks with our new friends from Amsterdam, Yopp and Natalie. We ended up going to Octopuss/Bottoms Up Bar for drinks (which I was way too full for). It was the kinda place where you see pregnant prostitutes smoking. True story.

The next morning, we walked around a bit and went home. Sounds simple but waiting for the bus to leave was EXCRUCIATING! One thing I do miss about Toronto is the ability to go where I want, When I want. We ended up waiting in a Matatu for 2 hours while under the impression we would be leaving "just now". It actually wouldn't have been that bad if there wasn't people constantly clawing at my shoulder from outside, trying to convince me to by thing. Or street children calling out "Hey Chinese! Give me 5 shillings! Hey Japanese! Mzungu!"

...It was still great fun. I'm doin' it for the story.

I'll post in a bit. We're gonna hit up Masai Mara this Friday (hopefully) to catch the Wildebeast migration. Since it's considered one of the 7 wonders of the world, it's pricey. But since I'm already here, I might as well make it rain ;)

I like to gloat...

Eat your heart out Sis ;) I know I am!

P.S. Tell mom that everytime I pass a rice field, I think of daddy and his days as a rice boy <3>

To change or not to change?

So, I'm gonna get on my self-reflective tip now and try to tackle Larissa's blog assignment. I've just past my half way point in my trip and tomorrow, I begun my adventure exactly 8 weeks ago. There is no doubt that this environment is different. The question is: Has this changed me on a superficially and internally? And if so, what have a chosen to change and what do I choose to preserve? If you've been following my blog, you will know I've been conflicted with how I remain open minded but still hold onto my own values.

The other day, Mayan and I had been feeling discouraged because we've come half way and what have we really done? And should we be doing more? Then we found advice from an old friend of ours:

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked, Some windows are lighted, but mostly they're darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win? - Dr. Seuss

Before I left, my sister had given me and Mayan this book the excerpt is from (oh! the places you'll go). Thanks Jen because it has given us strength in moments when we feel like we're on the brink of snapping from bending. The truth is, I'm not putty. I just CAN'T be out and about constantly visiting people and trying to absorb the language and culture. I can only throw myself into it so much before I need a moment of self preservation. I try, but because you can always do more, I never feel like I'm trying hard enough.

Superficially, I have changed my speech pattern in order to be better understood by those around me. I've imitated the physical gestures of those around me in order for them to understand me. For example, when shaking a hand, I now use both hands to express gratitude when there are no words. Also, I've gotten used to cold showers and room temperature beverages (but still get super excited when something is refridgerated).

Something that I refuse to give up is my Canadian accent and my teaching style. I am an outsider regardless. And though I've picked up some of the language, it is impossible for me to be able to speak Luo just like a villager. I mean I don't even have a Cantonese accent and i've been working at it for 20 years! Mayan is alot better at it than I am. I stick out like a sore thumb anyways. I just feel more comfortable speaking the way i was taught to speak... which is still understandable and my students think its hilarious! haha

As for the teaching style, I stand boldly with the choices I make when teaching. The teachers here are used to repetition and corporeal punishments. I have refused to cane my students even though some teachers have asked me to when they don't complete their work on time. I just can't do it. IF I decided to cane my student, they would just go on with their day as usual. But that is a burden I would have to live with for the rest of my life. The compromise I've agreed to is providing the teachers with a list of those who haven't completed their work. I don't want them to be caned but I can't encourage idleness either... what can I do? I also have really fun vocabulary classses that aren't the super boring repetition and writing on a chalkboard *barfs* In this picture, we learnt the word hop and challenge. the perfect set up for a Hopping Challenge Extravaganza with groups frogs, grasshoppers and hares.

Internally, I've changed because I've realized that this experience is more for me than it is for my students. I know, super selfish right? But how ignorant is it to assume that one individual can go to a village and change the lives of those within it? I am one person being submerged into a entirely different culture. Just because I come from a wealthy country, doesn't mean I'm god. I'm taking more away from this experience than my students are and that isn't something to be ashamed of. I'm more relaxed and just enjoying teaching at a leisurely pace instead of trying to force feed them information. Let's have a little fun shall we? :) That's something I've learnt from Mayan. I take myself way too seriously.

I need to start enjoying simply things, like hopping :)