sometimes there aren't any words.

My dear, you are allusive, exuding the confidence I could never know.
Floating, decisions never swayed by the status quo.
I have never met someone that understands their inner needs as much as you.
Spoken softly, with stern determination is the path you choose.
You're something untouchable, a flame I can't hold.
All I can do is witness your shine, shimmer magic.
You break the mold.
From you I learn to settle for nothing less,
than my inner heart's true happiness.
You stay the silent strong type, but I know you need,
someone who will protect the fiber of your being, the seed.
Though you stay silent I'll speak loud and clear,
You're more than I'll ever know,
You're perfect my dear.

This poem is about Autistic children, dedicated to my best friend's brother Daniel. I've known Daniel for more than 10 years and as a child with severe Autism, he has never once compromised his needs, never compared himself to others and has never let others decide what is best for him. He's a one man army with purpose :) Amazing child with unknown and thus unlimited talents.

Something Unsettling

Hey guys...

My friend Sandra (fellow teacher) sent me a link of a video today that is supposedly of Derrion Albert getting beat to death right outside his highschool in Southside, Chicago Thursday. According to news reports, the area has been plagued by gang activity for a long time. Click here for video and news report.

All the news reports I've read has stated that Albert was in no way affiliated with these gangs and that he was an innocent bystander until he got atttacked. I really don't think it matters whether or not he was involved in gangs. The reality is, that as long as gang culture continues to pervade urban areas, anyone involved, gang member or not, should be seen as a victim to some extent. Now this is not an excuse for those who are initiating these spurts of violence but everyone must keep in mind that these reactions ARE a social commentary on the paranoia and distrust people in these areas feel. The marginalization of people like those in Altgeld Gardens, Chicago is leading to feelings of instability and anxiety amongst their youth. And although we like to think of the west as a collection of progressive nations, I'm sorry but I definitely see connections between this situation and ones I encountered in Kenya. People do not feel that if they do not organize for themselves, no one will lobby for their rights. And because these people are among the "bottom rungs" in their society, they are already pissed off with the current system.

It is unfortunate that we are only paying attention to places like Altgeld Gardens because of the violent outbursts. And we can be critical today, but where is our support for the other days of the year? This happens all over the world, be it in urban areas or slum. The sad part is that major news outlets are quick to try to find an excuse, asking "did this child participate in gang activity?" when people should really be up in arms about how our current societal structures overlook the needs of these communities so much so that they feel they need to organize an alternative form of governance. It's times like these where I am proud and weary of my future profession.

"What's going on?" - Marvin Gaye

This piece of news really stuck out to me because during my time in Kenya I read Barack Obama's Dreams From My Father where he talks about his transition from working with the Altgeld Gardens area to South Nyanza, Kenya. I never would have known about this Chicago neighbourhood otherwise. And as a side note, this book really resonated with me and was my favourite read of the summer.

Tourist? or Traveller?

Okay Toronto. the blog assignment is... do you consider yourself a tourist or traveller?

now, i got this assignment in the middle of the summer and STILL have no come up with an answer. SO, I think i'm gonna be diplomatic and say, "I'm a traveller who enjoys tourist attractions". I think this best suits me because to me, a traveller is someone who understands their responsibility as a global citizen and is concerned with knowing the stories behind the fascade, even though sometimes its fun to revel in the spectacle of tourist attractions. I'm only human and going on camel rides and nightly dance shows ARE FUN! so there.

It's hard to explain but i feel like in the village, where i had my extended stay, I was a traveller. I had the time to listen to stories and get a good hold of how the community functioned. I think when I left the village to do our Masai Mara and Mombasa trip, I was more of a tourist. Not that I didn't engage in conversations with the locals, but they didn't know me and knew I was only there for a few days. We held eachother at arm's length.

I think now that i've come back it's easier to say i'm a traveller because the people i talk to are really impressed with the fact i know so much about the people i lived around. But i may still consider myself a tourist because i don't know any whole truths. At the end of it all, i'm still and outsider and that in itself created a divide between me and the Kenyans I formed friendships with, be it for 3 months or a week.

I STILL don't know... what do you think?

No need to settle down, my body don't know how

Hey guys! YES i'm still blogging now that I'm back in Toronto!

I'm a few days short of having been back a month, the whole time telling myself I SHOULD and MUST blog. This is telling of how much "me" time I've had.

I've been trying my best to get back into the groove of my life before I left and I think I've done okay. I've been anticipating and yearning for it for awhile now! While I'm living life as I had, I can't help but think WOW.. is all this really necessary? I mean.. I love my life but I feel like in order to enjoy little things, I have to consider the other chain of events a decision can make. My life sounds simple, it's basically school, art club, work and friends. It sounds simple, all I have to do is show up and do work. WRONG. *especially with concurrent education*

I have to teaching high school, apply for club funding and program space, opt out of York catering, get a new outfit for my sister's birthday, write assignments all while looking good for work and keeping up a social life. All these little things are packing up my schedule! And while I feel i have the same ability to organize my life, I find myself questioning...WHY ALL THE CLUTTER? I'm not trying to idealize my time spent in Kenya, I do realize that my volunteer work there was only sustainable for a short time and people can't really live that way forever. But it did help me see how much fluff there is in my life now.

Example: If I want to enroll in a class i can't just do it if there's seats available. I gotta call people, set up appointments, get put on a waiting list before they approve me. Sometimes, democracy IS a time consuming bitch! *this is my venting session.. let me air out* .....I'm EXHAUSTED. but glad to be back. The thing is, I would never lighten my load even though I complain. Which is very ME pre-internship. So I guess I do resemble my former self. I just need to let off some steam once in awhile.

I love my program and the art club has been such an integral part of my growth as an educator and leader that I could never leave unless absolutely necessary. I HAVE to go out and party even though it complicates my life. And work? Well, I need something fuel my spending habits :P

I'm back to my fast paced lifestyle y'all. I still got it. I'm just a whole lot more critical.

There is so much to say, but I lack the words to say it. I'm just glad to be home and to ALWAYS have somewhere to go and SOMETHING to do.

me and my little tandoori flame at my sister's birthday :)

Lesson Learned

Okay... so my time in Kenya has come to an end. Mayan and I are spending our last 24 hours in Kenya, then 3 days in Amsterdam, then home to you :) Today, my main goal was to post once more before I head out of the country. I will still post after this, but this will be my last time in the luxury of a cyber cafe where the power can cut at any second. (it's really helped with the efficiency of my typing)

*I would also like to note we are currently listening to Celine Dion on the radio* haha! When I first came to Kenya, my bff Leslie was shocked we didn't all talk like Celine Dion... *sigh* memories. I really hope I don't come back home as one of those people who travel just so they can go home and say "In Kenya this" and "in Kenya that" (shudders).

ANYWAYS, I know my posts have been a bit heavy lately since I'm leaving soon and getting all philosophical and stuff. But today, I'd like to keep it short and sweet and share with you a few things I've learnt in the past few days:

1. Never ever over-estimate a Kenyan man's alcohol tolerance. (the photos below were from last night when Willis, our body guard, took us clubbing and assured us a few shots were not going to affect him. NOT TRUE. haha fun times)

2. When taking a bus across country, ALWAYS ALWAYS request a seat in the front. My butt is still bruised from the bumpy ride :(

3. There is a HUGE difference between the word Matoke and Mataco. One is a specialty Ugandan dish. The other means butthole.

4. Don't eat cupcakes in your bathing suit. crumbs.

5. If you want to order shots, you should really call them "tots". Saying "I want a shot" apparently means you want a prostitute.

There's alot of story telling to do once I get home :)

Busy little bees

Jambo :)

Boy, the past 24 hours have been eventful! We've been travelling again, from upcountry to Nairobi. I'm sad to say it was my last time seeing Rift valley, the tea plantations, Mau forest and Nakuru, among tons of other amazing things. *sigh*


Although it was a long journey with Mama, we decided to skip resting. (it's not her style). Mama Pheobe Asiyo is part of Nairobi's Women's Caucus, which we've visited in our last excursion here. She's also the UN's UNIFEM representative in Kenya. I'm really grateful to have her as a host mother, especially since I've seen first hand how important it is to push the women's agenda here and around the world.

Anyways, the Women's Caucus has representatives in every region in the country. These are just local women who are concerned with the development of their community. Pretty much any positive initiative a woman is interested in, the Caucus will back.

That's what brings us to Huruma today, in a slum called Madoya. In this area, lives Mama Lucy, a women who runs an orphanage/school called Little Bees.

For more than a decade this one woman has been running this school in the middle of the slum. Did I mention she also lives there with the kids? She is truly extraordinary and deserves the admiration of all who know her.

At Little Bees, she also runs other initiatives such as basket weaving classes and farming on her small plot in order to provide a holistic learning environment as well as an opportunity to generate some money. There are also flush toilets and clean shower areas available to the community for a small price.

Even though Mama Lucy has done alot for her community, there is still work to be done. The fact that she provides the only available flush toilets and running water in Madoya (which is huge by the way), speaks for itself. Through the slum walkways are streams of disease-infested water. The infrastucture is just the start, but with Mama Lucy and other development-conscious women in the area, I know the Little Bees will continue to do great things.

I know your heart's weathered by what studs did to you...

Hey guys!

As my time in Kenya comes to an end, I'm taking sometime to reflect on things I will take with me when I go home. *inspired by Larissa's blog assignment* I'm glad to say I've got to experience ALOT while I was here. I've literally been from Lake Victoria to the coast and then back again. Being away from my host home to experience Kenya and then to come back has really given me more insight about the opportunities available in this country.

One thing has always struck me whereever I am in this country: a woman's struggle. It's in the city when a woman has cares for someone else's child in order to support her own. It's in the village when a mother is infected with HIV because her late husband was unfaithful but still has hope since her children tested negative. Even now when I'm in a situation where I feel my own limitations being challenged, the stories of these women, of widows, of mothers who have seen their children parish or lead a street life, of women who are punished for being infertile, of rape victims and victims of female circumcision come flooding back into my mind. It's the image of a strong African women who looks at me with an unflinching gaze when she tells me she has come to terms with the fact that she has done all she can with her life, that she only lives now with the hope her children can do better.

It is this determination, this unrelenting drive of all the women I've met here that inspires me and will continue to remain fresh in my mind. Though I've rejoiced at the strength and fearlessness of these women, I am also reminded of the pain this hard exterior is drawn from. Since many of the tribal religions in Kenya have participated in polygamy, women are continually cheated on. Even though the majority of people have switched over to sects of christianity or catholicism, men use the polygamous values of the forefathers to excuse their cheating. From this, women who stay faithful to their husbands become infected by HIV/AIDS. Even if a women knows her husband is having sex with other women, to suggest the use of a condom can lead to domestic abuse and many times the wife will be forced to have sex with her husband.

Because of the extreme poverty in the village, young girls from the highschool are seduced by older, married men with simple treats in exchange for sex. These young girls end up infected or with child or both. The men flee, leaving a single mother behind. I see parallels between the teenage pregnancies here and in Jane-Finch. Both communities are filled with women who distrust men (with good reason). But they also don't expect anything more. And that's what kills me the most. The perpetual cycle of boys being raised by women who naturalize the idea of the man being irresponsible.

Through it all, I will always hear the whispers of countless women at the back of my mind, willing me to take every opportunity I have, advising me not to make a mockery of my circumstance. Dozens of women telling me to remember them when I succeed because there is no reason why I shouldn't. All the while, I am humbled because I think, it could be me. It could be me nursing a child, without promise of food the next day. It is only because of my dumb luck that I was born on the other side of the world, where I experience privileges without having to earn them. I'm thankful the women have opened up to me while I was here and I want to come back to Toronto and optimize every chance I'm given because I know these women would find a way to do it if they were in my position.

With that said, I'll see you soon ;)